Category Archives: April Fool!

No more ideas

End of Dave’s Posts and Newsletters

End of the Line

The day has finally arrived, I’m hanging it up. After writing this newsletter for more than ten years, presenting you with broad-based ideas and sometimes details, and even the occasional security alert, finally, I’m out of ideas. I sat down to write a newsletter, and nothing at all came to me. After hundreds and hundreds of ideas, having to choose sometimes one topic from maybe ten to write about, finally there are none.

I’ve never heard that writers run out of ideas, that we’re each born with a quota of ideas, and one day they’re all gone.  But that appears to be the case.  I hope you’ve enjoyed this newsletter.  Now I wish that when I had so many ideas, I had written down more of them, instead of just writing about what I thought was the best topic.  Had I done that, I’d likely still have plenty of newsletters to write!

I continue to teach–of course, when you teach an established subject, one can argue that you’re presenting the ideas of others, so you don’t need to have new ideas.  I’m hoping that I don’t need any new ideas for teaching.  Or perhaps I’ve run out only of post ideas, and maybe there are a few teaching ideas left in the reservoir.  We’ll see.

The Bottom Line

Best wishes in all that you do, I hope that I’ve helped you along the way.

April 1, 2018

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Google Makes Surprise Chapter 11 Filing

Google shocked the tech world today with their filing for bankruptcy protection under Chapter 11.  In a statement just released, Sundar Pichai, CEO of Google, stated that “We had not released this, but our efforts to bring high-speed Internet to everyone have been extremely costly and not profitable.  This put such a drain on the company that it has brought us to bankruptcy.  However, we hope to restructure, shed the money-losing Internet service, and continue in business.”

Other company executives told us privately that Google service was just no match for the high-quality companies operating in the ISP space, such as Verizon, AT&T, Time Warner Cable and Charter Communications.  These companies are so well regarded by their customers that Google was simply unable to sell enough of their own Internet services to be profitable, and it ultimately dragged down the entire company.

The announcement, coming on a day when financial markets are closed, did not affect share prices.  Suspension of trading in Google stock on Monday is expected, until more details of the bankruptcy are understood.  Needless to say, stockholders can expect to receive a substantial haircut on the value of their holdings.

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Walmart Buys Google

Walmart Is Buying Google

In a press release today, Walmart announced that they are acquiring the assets of Google.  The announcement says “We are purchasing Google in order to protect the reputation of Walmart.  Google operations will remain as they are, with the exception of a few small changes.”

Minor Changes in Search

What are those changes?  The announcement continues “We have been concerned for some time about the negative publicity about Walmart’s wages and working conditions, and how this negative information is spread through the Internet, particularly by Google searches.  Our Board decided that decisive action is needed to defend our reputation.  As soon as the acquisition closes, negative information about Walmart will no longer appear in Google search results.  Our Board decided that this approach to dealing with the reputation issue was more economical than giving a raise and providing health insurance and reasonable working conditions to our 2.2 million employees.”

Food Service in Google Offices

The announcement stated that free meals in Google cafeterias will continue as a fringe benefit for full-time Google employees; part-time employees will need to pay for meals.  Because of corporate commitments, catering for all food in Google operations will be provided by McDonalds, starting immediately after the acquisition.  The significant savings that will result from this change are expected to improve Google’s bottom line.

Full and Part Time

Walmart has traditionally relied on part-time workers to provide up to 40% of its labor in stores.  Because part-timers do not get benefits, this reduces labor costs.  Post-acquisition, Google will be given a mandatory goal to have 40% part-time employees within six months.  This will be achieved either by converting present full-time employees, or by replacing present full-time employees with part-time new hires.  The elimination of all benefits for 40% of Google’s payroll will also produce significant enhancement of Google profitability.

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